It’s the start of the month and time to catch up on last months finances. As usual, you’re looking through your spending to stay on track. Your eyes get a little bigger when you see your credit card bill.
You spent more than you’d hoped. As you cruise through the list of transactions, you start noticing a lot of charges like, subscriptions, amazon orders, and meals. You decide to go for a walk to the bank to pull out cash to help manage your spending by having physical cash.
You stop at the grocery store on your way home and when its time to pay you realize you left your dropped some of the money you took from the bank.
How would you feel in that moment? How are you feeling about yourself?
In this blog you will learn the 5 types of negative self talk that we go through and how to be aware of them. As a bonus, I've included some way to avoid negative self talk so that you can live a more fulfilling, stress free life.
In order to stop or change intrusive thoughts and live a more fulfilling life, this is the first step.There are no shortcuts!
If you learn how to avoid negative self-talk then you are 55% of the way to improving the relationship with yourself and the people around you.
When going through a difficult time, it’s easy to be hard on yourself and start thinking that everything is your fault. You end up in a spiral of negative thoughts and don't ever see the light at the end of the tunnel.
I’ve helped hundreds of individuals, families, couples with relieving stress, treating chronic conditions and overcoming life-challenges in the pursuit of living a better life.
I don't say that to brag, but I've had the privilege of understanding the psychology of why most of us women don't feel fulfilled or happy with our life situation.
Let me ask you this: When has negative self talk ever helped you?...
Negative thinking can often drag you and others down. Here’s the truth, there are many different types of negative thinking and you may not even realize that you are doing it.
Common types of negative thinking:
Personalization – This is blaming yourself for things you have no control over. Can you remember a time you thought something was your fault? Maybe you've thought you’re the reason you’re not attracting good partners, or you're the reason your car won't start.
Whatever the case, you’re causing unnecessary stress by telling yourself a story that may not be true, putting you deeper into the spiral that began.
Labeling and Mislabeling – This is the constant applying of labels on people. Often times, the labels are inaccurate as you never know all the information. An example of this would be, “She’s a slut because she flirts a lot.”, or even, “He must be an alcoholic because he has had three glasses of beer to drink.” Again, these thoughts can create negative self talk that will harm more than help the goals that you have and being aware of them will put you in a position of power
‘Should’ Statements – Here, you rely on the absoluteness of “should” statements. Using “should” statements creates rigid rules for yourself and others that need to be followed without flexibility. An example of this would be, “I should always avoid talking about my personal issues with others.” Or even: “I should always wait for a man to approach me first.”
Emotional Reasoning – This is drawing conclusions based on emotions and ignoring the facts. An example of this would be, “I am angry with you, so you are wrong and the source of my problems.”
Magnification and Minimization – This is placing a bigger importance on the negative events while ignoring the positive ones. When you start thinking in “always”, “never”, “everyone”, “nobody”, et cetera, then you are focusing too much on the negatives and using those to over-generalize.
This is also called “all or nothing” thinking. An example of this would be: “I always embarrass myself, nobody likes me.”
The short of it:
People pay attention to negativity more than positivity.
There’s something about bad news and adversity—try as we may, we can’t look away. The problem becomes how long we choose to stay in these thought loops and if we are making steps to avoid these intrusive thoughts.
Don't worry, this isn't even your fault. The good news is you can silence these thoughts. Some ways of overcoming negative self talk include:
Replacing the negative thoughts with a positive one
Repeating positive statements or affirmations
Seeking professional therapy from a behavioural therapist
If you find yourself caught in the loop of negative thinking, sit down and identify three strengths or things you do well. For instance, you could be a good listener, in good physical shape, or remember names easily.
Most people don’t do this because they are simply unaware. So there you go try this the next time something unexpected happens. Do this enough times and watch how you slowly start reframing your thoughts.